Bullying’s new home? Chats, games & messaging apps

For years, when we’ve talked about cyberbullying, we’ve mostly been thinking about social media — Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat. These have been the platforms that dominated conversations in schools, parent groups, and communities about keeping our kids safe online¹. But with Australia’s new law banning social media for children under 16  coming into effect in December 2025², many of us are wondering: will this mean the end of cyberbullying, or will it just move somewhere else?

The honest answer is that it’s complicated. As one door closes, others open and our kids will likely shift their social lives to private group chats, online games, and messaging apps. Understanding these new spaces is essential if we want to keep protecting our children and help them build kind, respectful relationships wherever they connect online³.

Sophie Sparks, Founder of You Can Sit With Me, reminds parents that “technology might change, but kindness never goes out of date. Even if children aren’t on Instagram or TikTok, they’re still navigating online worlds where friendship and exclusion can play out in real time.”

According to Sparks, it’s not the app that shapes behaviour, it’s the emotional awareness we nurture in our kids. “When we teach children emotional literacy, seeing how someone else might feel on the other side of the message; we’re giving them lifelong tools, not just temporary online rules,” she adds. As platforms evolve, digital empathy must remain a constant.

Where our kids will be connecting instead

The social media restrictions are designed to protect Australian children under 16 from harmful content, including cyberbullying and online predators⁴. But let’s be realistic—our kids won’t stop being online. Their social lives are increasingly happening in places like:

• Group chats on WhatsApp, Messenger, or Discord
• Online gaming worlds like Roblox, Fortnite, or Minecraft
• Messaging features built into educational apps or mobile games⁵
• These spaces are where kids socialise, collaborate, and feel like they belong. But they can also become breeding grounds for bullying behaviours that are much harder for adults to see^6.

Sparks says, “We have to remember that connection matters to young people. Taking away social media doesn’t remove their need to belong—it just means we need to guide them more closely through the new spaces where they interact.”

She points out that parents can support healthy connection without policing every interaction. “When we talk with — not at — kids about what happens online, we build trust. If they know they won’t be judged or punished straight away, they’ll be more likely to come to us when something goes wrong,” says Sparks. Parents’ calm curiosity, rather than fear, becomes the foundation for safety.

What cyberbullying looks like in these new spaces

Cyberbullying isn’t really about the platform—it’s about using technology to hurt, embarrass, or exclude others⁷. When social media isn’t in the picture, it can still appear as:

• Being left out of group chats: A child is deliberately excluded or removed without explanation⁸
• Spreading rumours through messages: False gossip spreads rapidly in private chat groups⁹
• Sharing screenshots to embarrass: Private conversations or photos are circulated to humiliate¹⁰
• Harassment during gaming: Repeated taunts or verbal abuse using in‑game chat¹¹ Anonymous accounts: Secondary profiles or avatars used to target others¹²

“These behaviours might look different online, but they feel the same offline,” says Sparks. “The pain of being excluded or laughed at doesn’t change because it happened in a group chat instead of a playground.”

Sparks explains that children often struggle to label this kind of behaviour as bullying. “They’ll say things like, ‘It’s just joking,’ or, ‘Everyone’s doing it,’” she says. “That’s where adults can step in and name it for what it is. Once kids realise the emotional harm behind digital ‘jokes,’ they begin to take responsibility.”

Why we need to pay attention to group chats

Group chats have become the new digital playground—complete with cliques, peer pressure, and shifting alliances¹³. They can pose particular challenges:

• Power struggles: Certain children control who’s included, shaping group culture¹⁴
• Rapid spread: Hurtful comments reach a wide audience instantly¹⁵
• No escape: Notifications follow kids home, extending stress into their personal spaces¹⁶

Sometimes children don’t even realise their part in the harm — forwarding a cruel meme or reacting with laughter might feel minor but add to the hurt¹⁷.

Sparks notes, “We tell children that being kind isn’t passive, it’s an action. In group chats, that action might be choosing not to join in, speaking up, or simply sending a supportive message to someone who’s being left out.”

She adds that adults can empower quiet upstanders. “Not every child feels ready to confront bullying publicly,” says Sparks. “Some show courage by privately checking in on a friend who’s been excluded. Those acts matter, they create micro‑moments of kindness that ripple through a group’s culture.”

The hidden world of gaming

Online gaming offers friendship and teamwork but can also expose children to unfiltered behaviour¹⁸. Common patterns include:

• Harsh chat culture: Insults and ridicule normalised as ‘banter’
• Exclusion from teams: Players removed to shame them
• Impersonation: Using another player’s profile to cause harm¹⁹

Without robust moderation and digital literacy, it’s easy for harmful conduct to hide under the label of “just a game” ²⁰.

“Gaming is now where many kids make friends,” says Sparks. “That’s why it’s vital we teach them how to be respectful teammates, not just good players. Encouragement and fairness matter as much online as they do on the sports field.”

Sparks suggests that parents ask simple reflection questions about gaming conversations. “You can say, ‘Was everyone kind today?’ or ‘Did anyone feel left out?’ It opens the door without criticism. Game time becomes a learning space, about teamwork, sportsmanship, and compassion.”

Why messaging apps need our attention

Messaging platforms like WhatsApp, Discord, and Messenger Kids are becoming the preferred way for children to connect privately²¹. The privacy that helps them feel secure can also conceal harm:

• Incidents occur out of sight of adults
• Messages can be deleted, leaving no record
• Without face‑to‑face context, conflicts escalate easily²²

Children often believe these exchanges are truly private, and may share content or words they later regret²³.

Sparks adds, “Private messages can feel safe, but they’re also where hurtful behaviour can hide. We need to teach children that being kind privately counts just as much as being kind publicly.”

She emphasises that kindness in unseen spaces defines true character. “It’s what we do when nobody’s watching that reveals our integrity,” Sparks explains. “If kids understand that their empathy matters even in silence, we’ll raise a generation who value respect as much behind a screen as they do face to face.”

What we can do as parents and educators

With digital habits evolving, the role of trusted adults matters more than ever. Our goal isn’t to eliminate risk, but to help kids develop resilience, empathy, and healthy habits²⁴.

For parents:

• Start early conversations
• Discuss group dynamics
• Set boundaries on device use
• Model positive communication²⁵

For educators:

• Integrate digital citizenship into wellbeing
• Develop clear protocols
• Train staff to recognise subtle exclusion²⁶

Sparks explains, “Adults can’t monitor every message. What we can do is create a culture of trust, where students feel safe to speak up for themselves and others.”

She continues, “When children know adults will listen calmly, they’re far more likely to ask for help. Our reaction sets the tone, they watch how we respond before deciding if it’s safe to share.”

Teaching empathy and accountability

The strongest defence against cyberbullying is empathy.

Effective strategies include:

• Role‑playing different viewpoints
• Group discussions about digital impact
• Encouraging bystander action
• Celebrating positive online behaviour²⁷

“Empathy is something we can teach,” says Sparks. “When young people learn to pause and think about how their words feel to someone else, that’s where real change begins.”

Sparks adds that adults must model empathy too. “The fastest way to teach compassion is to show it. When kids see adults extending understanding, in traffic, at home, online, they learn that respect isn’t situational. It’s a value.”

The social media ban: a good start, but not the whole solution

Australia’s Under‑16 social media ban is a significant win for child safety²⁸. But as Sparks cautions, “Removing one platform won’t remove all risk. What matters most is education, awareness, and fostering kindness that travels with children wherever they go online.”

She stresses that prevention must evolve alongside technology. “Every time a platform changes, our education must change too,” she says. “We can’t rely on bans alone. We need ongoing conversations and programs that make kindness habitual, not optional.”

Building a kinder digital future

Technology keeps changing, but children’s emotional needs stay the same²⁹. The new law may reduce exposure to harmful content, but the deeper challenge remains nurturing empathy, inclusion, and belonging in every online space.

Sparks concludes, “At You Can Sit With Me, our message is simple: everyone deserves to feel they belong—online, in the playground, and everywhere in between. If we can teach that, we’re not just preventing bullying—we’re building a culture of inclusion for life.”

She encourages parents to see online kindness as a community effort. “Every small act, checking in, including others, speaking up, adds up. The collective message becomes powerful: you’re not alone; there’s always a seat for you.”

References

[1] Kowalski, R. M., Limber, S. P., & Agatston, P. W. (2008). Cyber Bullying: Bullying in the Digital Age (1. Aufl.). Wiley-Blackwell. https://doi.org/10.1002/9780470694176

[2, 4, 21, 23, 25, 28] Champion, K. E., Birrell, L., Smout, S., Teesson, M., & Slade, T. (2025). Debate: Social media in children and young people – time for a ban? Beyond the ban – empowering parents and schools to keep adolescents safe on social media. Child and Adolescent Mental Health. https://doi.org/10.1111/camh.70032

[3, 6, 8,10,13, 16, 24, 25, 27] Kowalski, R. M., Limber, S. P., & Agatston, P. W. (2008). Cyber Bullying: The New Moral Frontier. https://doi.org/10.1002/9780470694176

[5, 11, 15, 18, 19] Cachia, R., Villar Onrubia, D., Barreda Angeles, M., Economou, A., & Lopez Cobo, M. (2025). Cyberbullying: Considerations for a common definition (JRC143340). Publications Office of the European Union. https://doi.org/10.2760/7772296

[7, 17, 20, 25, 29] Christakis, D. A., & Hale, L. (Eds.). (2025). Handbook of Children and Screens: Digital Media, Development, and Well-Being from Birth Through Adolescence. Springer. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-69362-5
[9,12, 19, 22] Das, R. (2025). Generative AI and Cyberbullying. CRC Press.

[14, 19, 22, 25, 26, 27] Wright, M. (2024). The Psychology of Cyberbullying. Nova Science Publishers.
[26] Smith, P. K., Campbell, M., & Bauman, S. (Eds.). (2017). Reducing cyberbullying in schools: International evidence-based best practices. Elsevier Science & Technology. http://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/canberra/detail.action?docID=5106118

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