Digital shaming – how to support our kids

Kids and teens spend a lot of time online these days through social media, messaging apps, and games, especially during the holidays. These technologies can help them learn, make friends, and express themselves. But they also come with risks, like new ways for others to harm them. One serious problem is digital shaming, which is a form of cyberbullying. It involves using social media to publicly embarrass or exclude someone, causing emotional pain.

This blog explains what digital shaming is, shares real-life examples, and gives helpful tips for teachers and parents to protect and support children facing these online challenges.

What is cyberbullying and digital shaming?

Cyberbullying is when someone uses digital tools like social media, texts, emails, chat rooms, or blogs to deliberately harass, threaten, or humiliate others. Unlike regular bullying, cyberbullying can happen at any time and in any place because it is online. It often involves hiding behind different online identities or usernames, which can make victims feel even more helpless and unsafe.

Digital shaming is a type of cyberbullying where a child or teen is publicly embarrassed on social media or other online sites. It uses the shared, viral nature of the internet to spread false, embarrassing, or hurtful information quickly and widely. Unlike private bullying, digital shaming often involves many people seeing and participating, which makes it even more damaging for the person targeted.

According to Sophie Sparks, Founder of You Can Sit With Me and a teacher with more than 20 years’ experience in classrooms around the world, “Digital shaming is one of the most devastating forms of bullying I’ve encountered in my years as an educator.

“What happens online doesn’t stay online. I’ve watched students carry the weight of a single embarrassing post for months, affecting their confidence, friendships, and willingness to participate in class.”

Research shows that digital shaming involves using online platforms to send, post, or share negative, false, or hurtful content about someone. It can include sharing private or personal information to cause embarrassment¹. Because the internet is not always controlled, even small mistakes can lead to harsh public shaming, sometimes spiralling out of control and causing serious emotional harm^2.

The unique challenges of digital shaming

Digital shaming differs from traditional bullying in several critical ways:

• Permanence and virality: Once something is posted online, it can stay there forever and be shared again and again. A single embarrassing post or picture can quickly spread to thousands or even millions of people, making the humiliation impossible to completely escape.

• Anonymity and disinhibition: The internet offers a sense of anonymity, making it easier for bullies to hide their identity. This can make them feel more confident to say hurtful things or post mean content they would never say in person, which increases the cruelty of the shaming.

• Scale of audience: Unlike bullying that happens only at school or in the neighbourhood, digital shaming can involve people from all over the world. This can make the social impact on the victim much bigger and more intense.

• Escalation to offline harassment: Online shaming can lead to real-world harassment, like stalking or vandalism, which can put the child in even greater danger^3.

Sophie notes: “The permanence of digital content is what makes this so cruel. In traditional bullying, a rumour might spread through a school and eventually fade. Online, that same rumour lives forever, can be screenshot, reshared, and resurrected months or years later. Students tell me they feel like they can never escape it.”

Examples of digital shaming

Digital shaming can take many forms and often blends with other types of cyberbullying. Some common examples include:

• Public posting of embarrassing photos or videos: Children’s private or silly moments are captured and shared online without consent, often accompanied by mocking comments.

•  Derogatory comments on social media or blogs: Friends or others may create websites, blogs, or social media accounts to mock a child. These are sometimes called “hate sites”⁴

• Spreading rumours or false information: Lies,insults, or sexual rumours are shared online to hurt a child’s reputation⁵

• Sharing Private Information: Posting personal details like home address, phone number, or private conversations to embarrass or scare the victim.

• Internet Pile-Ons: Many people join together to criticise or make fun of a child at the same time, creating a large wave of negative attention⁶

These actions can cause serious emotional problems such as anxiety, depression, loneliness, and in some cases, thoughts of suicide^7.

Recognising the signs: how to know if a child is affected

Children subjected to digital shaming may not always disclose their experiences, making it crucial for adults to be vigilant for warning signs:

• Sudden withdrawal from friends, family, or activities.

• Visible distress after using a digital device or following social media use.

• Decline in academic performance or school attendance.

• Unexplained mood swings, anxiety, or depression.

• Avoidance of school or social situations.

• Reluctance to talk about their online life or secrecy about digital activities⁸

“Often, the first sign I notice is a student who suddenly becomes quiet and withdrawn,” Sophie shares. “They might stop raising their hand in class, avoid group work, or seem anxious when checking their phone. These behavioural changes are red flags that something serious might be happening online.”

Supporting students affected by digital shaming

Tips for teachers

Teachers are often frontline observers of students’ social interactions and can play a pivotal role in mitigating the impact of digital shaming^9.

1. Create a supportive environment: Foster a school climate where respect, empathy, and kindness are core values. Encourage open dialogue about online behaviour and the impact of digital shaming.

2. Educate about cyberbullying and netiquette: Integrate lessons on appropriate online behaviour, privacy, and the consequences of digital shaming into the curriculum. Use activities that build empathy, such as role-playing or perspective-taking exercises.

3. Encourage reporting: Let students know that adults in the school are available to help and that reporting digital shaming incidents will be taken seriously. Make reporting mechanisms accessible, confidential, and supportive.

4. Coordinate with parents: Share information and resources with parents about digital shaming and cyberbullying. Encourage parents to monitor their child’s online presence sensitively without invading privacy.

5. Use evidence-based policies: Develop clear school policies addressing cyberbullying and digital shaming, including consequences and support strategies. Ensure these policies are communicated to students, staff, and parents.

6. Provide mental health support: Collaborate with school counsellors to provide emotional and psychological support to victims. Early intervention can prevent long-term trauma.

7. Monitor popular platforms: While respecting privacy, occasional monitoring of social media trends among students can help identify emerging issues and guide preventive measures.

“In my classroom, I made it clear from day one that we’re a community where everyone belongs,” Sophie explains. “That’s why I founded You Can Sit With Me. When students understand that kindness is non-negotiable both online and offline, they’re more likely to stand up for peers being shamed and report incidents to trusted adults.”

Tips for parents

Parents are key in protecting and helping children facing digital shaming. Here are some ways they can support^10:

1. Open communication: Create a safe space where children can share their online experiences without fear of judgment. Avoid reacting harshly so they feel comfortable talking.

2. Teach online safety: Show children how to manage privacy settings, avoid sharing personal details, and block or report abusive users

3. Keep evidence: Encourage children to save screenshots, messages, or links related to shaming incidents. This can be useful for school or legal help.

4. Contact the school: Share evidence with teachers or counsellors if classmates are involved. Schools can provide support and take action.

5. Set limits on screen time: Guide children on appropriate online use without invading their privacy. Balance supervision with respect.

6. Promote positive bystander behaviour: Teach children to support peers who are shamed online and to tell trusted adults about incidents.

7. Seek mental health help: If a child shows signs of emotional distress, consult school counsellors or mental health experts promptly.

8. Be a good example: Show respectful and honest online behaviour to teach children how to behave responsibly.

Sophie advises parents: “The worst thing you can do when your child comes to you about digital shaming is to immediately take away their devices or overreact. Kids need to know you’re their ally, not another source of punishment. Listen first, validate their feelings, and then work together on a solution. Keeping those lines of communication open is everything.”

Kindness leads the way

Digital shaming is a widespread and very harmful form of cyberbullying that is made worse by how permanent and widespread online platforms are. Its effects on children can be serious, influencing their mental health, friendships, and school life. But with understanding, kindness, and teamwork, teachers, parents, and communities can help reduce these harms.

By promoting open talk, teaching online safety, creating clear rules, and offering emotional support, adults can help children use the internet safely and recover from digital shaming. As technology changes, so should our ways of protecting and supporting young people’s wellbeing.

“Every child deserves to feel safe, both in the classroom and online,” Sophie reflects. “When we create environments where kindness is the norm and where kids know they can sit with us, talk to us, and trust us, we take away the power of digital shaming. That’s the future we need to build together,” Sophie says.

References:

[1] Kallman, J., Han, J., & Vanderbilt, D. L. (2021). What is bullying? Clinics in Integrated Care, 5, Article 100046. 

[2 & 3 ] Roth-Cohen, O., & Rashi, T. (2024). Shaming behavior in online communities: exploring a new configuration of digital conversations. Online Information Review, 48(4), 746–763. 

[4,8,9,10] Kowalski, R. M., Limber, S. P., & Agatston, P. W. (2008). Cyber Bullying: Bullying in the Digital Age (1. Aufl.). Wiley-Blackwell.

[6] Thompson, J. D., & Cover, R. (2022). Digital hostility, internet pile-ons and shaming: A case study. Convergence (London, England), 28(6), Article 13548565211030461. 

[7] Schneider, J. (2020). A Strategic Cyber No-First-Use Policy? Addressing the US Cyber Strategy Problem. The Washington Quarterly, 43(2), 159–175. 

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